Things Speeding Up

I’m freaking out. Everything is going faster. Things used to go something like this: slowly a problem dawns on me, I figure out how I want to handle it, I get up the courage to do it, and I wait for the flak. The whole process could take years, frankly. Perhaps I was just slow. I don’t know.

Fast forward twenty years to now. I do some new-age-y work on myself to let go of church. I pray for something, anything, to happen that would give me an emotional release from my connection to church. I feel a shift. Three days later, it’s Sunday. Keep in mind that I can count the number of times the pastor has approached me to speak to me in the past few years on the fingers on one hand. I go to church. I am there not even one minute and he approaches me. He asks me how Barry is doing. I tell him. I also say that I am truly surprised to still be in Michigan. I had assumed Barry would have passed by now and I would have moved elsewhere. I tell him I will probably stop coming after October. He seems to accept what I say. He goes about his business.

After speaking to him, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. I am stunned. Did that really just happen?

I am panicking. I think about other things I have prayed about and now understand just how quickly things can change. Be careful what you pray for. Wow.

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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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