“When we are in touch with the deepest undercurrents of our lives, we have no choice but to act honestly, to speak soulfully. Our soul work is, quite simply, to find and remove whatever gets in the way of our being who we are.” Angeles Arrien, Walking the Mystical Path with Practical Feet,

Authenticity is becoming extremely important to me. I don’t care anymore about peace if I have to sell out my integrity to get it. I’d rather be rejected as I am than to pretend I’m someone that I’m not. I don’t know who I am. Maybe I’ll never know, but pretense does not help anyone. It only destroys my own credibility.

I’ve been pretending for so long. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been a good “Christian” but a very confused and false human being.

The undercurrent of my life has been this quest for authenticity, but survival and my need for people’s approval have rendered me powerless. Here I go.


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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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