How long can I keep holding on?

How long can I hold on, here in Michigan? Maybe I’m a bad Buddhist, but living here is depressing. This has been a wickedly cold winter, unrelenting and dark. There is no sun, no warmth, no jobs, and now one of my best friends is leaving. She is leaving before the crack of dawn on Monday.

I’ve done a lot of shoveling. I had my vehicle towed simply to unstick it from my driveway. My vehicle started to get stuck earlier this week, so I asked Barry to give me a push. He complied, and promptly fell on his keister. Does this mean that I just basically can’t expect any help from him whatsoever? I guess.

This stress has made me susceptible to a never-ending cold.

Why blame Michigan? It could just as well be Minnesota (as far as cold is concerned), were I living there. Combine the cold with the lack of jobs, forcing my friend to move east, and the lake-effect snow and you end up with a snow-bound nightmare that just never seems to end.

I’m not sure how many more winters here I can take. It sounds horrible, but I hope to move next fall, whether that means Barry dying or being put in a nursing home. Maybe I’ll feel better come spring, but this is how I feel now.



About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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