Knowing My Possesions

I’ve been thinking long and hard lately about what I want. It’s not minimalism, but something along those lines. I want to know everything I have.

I don’t want to look for things I know I have but can’t figure out where. I don’t want to find things and think to myself, “I wish I’d known I had that when _____.”

I was sorting through some clothes in my closet and realized that I only need a few more things for a professional-ish wardrobe. I don’t need much more. I really do have some nice skirts and shirts. I also realized that I will probably never iron on a regular basis. That means I need knits and permanent press. It doesn’t matter how perfectly something fits or how good it makes me look if I end up avoiding wearing it because it still needs ironing from a year ago.

I don’t have the ability to take care of everything I have—partly because I don’t know what all I have! Living on a fixed income, I don’t have the ability to just go out and buy things I already have only because I can’t find them.

It all has to come from within. External motivation simply doesn’t cut it when the stress level gets high enough. No threat of punishment or potential for reward can make me give a damn when I am burned out or exhausted from taking care of Barry or shoveling. I don’t have the motivation to be a minimalist, but I feel a need to know what I possess. Very different.


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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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