My Guiding Lights

“He who defines himself can’t know who he really is.” Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 24, Stephen Mitchell translation


I could not agree more, but there are hazards here. One can easily rebel against being defined by others and simply end up creating an opposite definition of oneself.

Leaving church, it would be easy for me to become an atheist, but saying that there is no God is no better than being an evangelist. I would still be pretending to know something I don’t—whether there is a god.

My fundamental issue at this point in my life is that I am not so many things I used to be (like Christian, interested in living in Michigan, conservative, uneducated, etc.) and don’t have anything yet to replace them. I have opened up a void. I am searching and may always be searching forever. I am between lives, hence my title “bardoinbetween.”

I am just as resistant to labeling myself as to being labeled by others. I have no assurance that I will believe in 10 years anything I believe today.

I am awed by the world, its complexity, and its simplicity. Everything is connected. Everyone has choices. Never underestimate people’s awareness. Be good to everyone or it will come back to bite you in the butt. The bigger picture you take into consideration, the better choices you can make. These are my guiding lights, regardless of how I may (or may not) define myself.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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