I think (but am not sure) I want to be part of the next phase of human evolution. Everything in my life seems to point in this direction: MBA, obsession with leadership, desire to be part of a solution, systems thinking, and fascination with change. I seem maladapted to any environment I find, which hints that I need to create my own (as opposed to looking for one ready made).
Change is so inevitable, but is accelerating. My desire to understand the Tao comes from its relationship to change. The Tao is about balance and harmony. Who doesn’t want that? I see people/organizations traumatized by change they were not prepared for. Their solution? Pretend the change is not real and question the loyalty of those kooky people (like myself) who are insubordinate enough to say or even imply that the pretenders should change. Seeing the inexorable nature of change, I am only looking for ways to make change less traumatic for us all.
How can I make anything happen when my life isn’t about me right now? I would love to take an aikido class, for example, but that would require too much time away from Barry. I assume I will do so when I escape Michigan.
Change is either occurring too fast for the people in my life or seemingly not at all for me. I get so frustrated. I am in this seemingly endless holding pattern.
I believe this in-between netherworld I reside in is why my emotions are right on the surface, subject to random TV shows triggering them. I got accustomed to a high level of intellectual stimulation in school that I no longer have. I find myself going onto controversial websites just to try to get a reaction from myself, even if it is just to stay awake. That strikes me as lame. I really feel stuck. But I also suspect that, when changes do start to occur for me, like an earthquake, I will move forward very quickly. That level of pent-up pressure is not sustainable and change is inevitable. When the tectonic plates of my life do start to move, watch out! I will need to be very careful at that point. Evolutionarily speaking, this is referred to as “punctuated equilibrium.” I may be part of the next phase of evolution, like it or not.