Strapping Myself In

“So the practices that Ajahn Chah taught were surrendering and opening to experience. Then he taught how to work with difficulties by overcoming them and letting them go. This led to the fourth level of his teaching: living in balance, the simplicity of the Middle Path. Ajahan Chah rarely taught about levels of enlightenment. He didn’t think the system of stages of enlightenment and levels of insight was helpful, because it took people out of the reality of the present.” Page 163, “Bringing Home the Dharma,” by Jack Kornfield
This is where I am. Everything is about letting go. I hate this because I am accustomed to taking responsibility and feel like there is something I should be doing, but pushing the river does not help.
And now things have sped up. One of the things I have felt like I need to do just got done—and not by me. I believe Barry is on his way out, slowly but surely. I even told him he need to get things right with his daughter Bailey. I kept thinking I needed to call her and dreaded doing so because she has made so little effort to see him, even when he was diagnosed with cancer. So she called. I about fell out of my chair when I listened to the message. She never calls. She called because it was his birthday, but that had never been a sufficient reason in the past. So he called her back—and she actually answered. That also never happens. He always gets her answering machine.
So now she is supposed to come over Tuesday evening. If she comes, it will be one less thing on the to-do list before he passes. If she doesn’t, it might depress him sufficiently to cut months off his life. Her lack of contact has been burdensome on him. Life is truly speeding up.
According to Chah, life is about letting go. Once you let go, things can go quickly. Like he emphasizes, you have to overcome difficulties. I can do that. However, most of the difficulties I am dealing with now are not mine. I can only let them go. I cannot overcome someone else’s karma; I can only let it go and not create bad karma for myself as much as possible. And strap myself in for the ride.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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