I Want to be an Agent of Healing

I have been dealing with a lot of things lately. Shrink appointments, creating an Advance Directive for Barry, taping plastic on windows for winter, bagging leaves, and other major and minor situations. It leaves me emotionally whipped. There is nothing left of me.
I feel like the only people I can relate to are other people who are also dealing with a lot or who at least know that a situation exists that demands their attention. Everyone has a lot to deal with, but not everyone actually deals with anything. Denial reigns supreme.
I find myself curious about rituals and safe/sacred spaces. I know that there can be no healing if people never feel safe or understood. I want to understand how to accelerate healing, my own and others’.
A few months ago, I went to a person’s house. The person was gone to California. That will again soon be the case. This house is fascinating. There is a big boy doll in the living room window, Tibetan singing bowls on the living room floor, and all sorts of strange New Agey items displayed everywhere. The boy doll seemed really weird to me. I could see the back of it from my car before I even went into the house.
But then I went in and was awestruck. The house exuded peace, serenity, love, and joy. We did the blessing as scheduled, but that feeling of wholeness (holiness) lingered for days.
I am overly left-brained and feel a need to know what gives that profound transformative atmosphere. Is it the objects themselves, or could the homeowner live in a bare-bones apartment with four walls and ugly carpet and still produce that sense of beauty and reverence?
The reason these things are important to me is that I now have the ability to make some changes. Getting the Advance Directive done for Barry is a huge burden off my shoulders. I feel like I am just starting to come through on the other side. This bardo is starting to end and the next one will begin perhaps shortly.
I need to find a way to help others, but they need to know they need help first. I can’t help people who think everything is someone else’s fault. I can deal with reality, but not pretense or living in the past. Everyone has been traumatized, but not everyone knows it.
Humanity is evolving…quickly. Faster than most people can keep up. It is traumatizing to deal with so much change at once, especially when other people are pretending everything remains the same as it was in 1974 or 1985. To be forced to deal with both change and other people’s complete refusal to acknowledge change is extraordinarily disorienting. This is what I am living with now. People need support in their efforts to direct change in their lives for the better. I need support. When I meditate, stuff rises to the surface and I am not convinced it is only my own personal issues. I think I have struck a vein of the collective unconscious. What do you do with issues from generations of humanity’s confusion and trauma? I don’t know.


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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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