Am I ancient?

I was at the blessing last night. The weather, as usual lately, was wretched. The leader forgot the music, so all we had was the crackling of the fireplace. The experience felt profound. It felt ancient. 

That thought took me aback. How would I know what something ancient felt like? Why would it make a difference? I feel a certain willingness to do things that connect me to the distant past that I don’t feel when it comes to doing things as myself for today. Why?

Part of my attraction to orthodoxy was the oldness of its rituals. I seem to have a deep instinctual need for roots.

I can only be honest with myself. Perhaps this is my umpteenth incarnation. I cannot know, but I also cannot dismiss the possibility.


About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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