Withdrawal

I feel a need to cocoon.

Yesterday, I was around someone from my evangelical Christian past. The occasion was to make peanut butter balls. She is a kindly lady. But, holy cow, I am so glad to not be part of that culture anymore. I had forgotten how ignorant the mindset is. I just wanted to go somewhere else and be around people who think for themselves.

Also, for the first time, I have no urge to purchase hair conditioner, or books! I almost feel like a hoarder. My stress level has been so high, due to Barry’s doctor appointment and us planning to get a will done for him, that it has been made urgent for me to take care of myself and reduce the sensory input. The books and conditioners are my primitive attempts to care for myself.

In addition, when I started school, I felt strongly that part of my mission was to dig deeper and hopefully transform into something somehow better. Into what, I do not know.

I feel deeply that now is the time.

I’m going in.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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