I feel a need to cocoon.

Yesterday, I was around someone from my evangelical Christian past. The occasion was to make peanut butter balls. She is a kindly lady. But, holy cow, I am so glad to not be part of that culture anymore. I had forgotten how ignorant the mindset is. I just wanted to go somewhere else and be around people who think for themselves.

Also, for the first time, I have no urge to purchase hair conditioner, or books! I almost feel like a hoarder. My stress level has been so high, due to Barry’s doctor appointment and us planning to get a will done for him, that it has been made urgent for me to take care of myself and reduce the sensory input. The books and conditioners are my primitive attempts to care for myself.

In addition, when I started school, I felt strongly that part of my mission was to dig deeper and hopefully transform into something somehow better. Into what, I do not know.

I feel deeply that now is the time.

I’m going in.


About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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