Groundlessness

“The Tibetan term ‘bardo’ or ‘intermediate state’ is not just a reference to the afterlife. It also refers more generally to these moments when gaps appear, interrupting the continuity that we otherwise project onto our lives….[B]ardo refers to that state in which we have lost our old reality and it is no longer available to us….[A]s soon as we see our life in terms of these successive deaths and rebirths, we dissolve the very idea of a solid self grasping onto an inherently real life.” Pema Khandro Rinpoche, Breaking Open, Spring 2015 Buddhadharma

This past week, I contacted a realtor. I intend to sell my house in Michigan. I have no idea how long it will take, but it is overwhelming to contemplate. Sometimes, the only thing worse than change is the prospect of no change.

It’s just weird to think that I really don’t know where I will live in a year. It’s fine and dandy to talk about having no security, but it is different to live it.

I want to grasp onto something, anything, desperately. I want a sense of continuity. I want to feel like I’m part of something larger than myself. Feeling lie a floating speck of dust is unnerving.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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