Getting A Lot Done

I’ve gotten an amazing amount accomplished this month. I got the gutters cleaned, put the air conditioners in, fixed the window with a hole in it, and got the tub converted into a one-handle system (solving a leak from corroded pipes).

All while not particularly wanting to live. Yeah, yeah, I’m back on my anti-depressants and seeing my shrink more than ever.

The doctor’s office called and wants me to call back. Of course, I attempted to do so but the office was closed and there was no way to leave a message. The receptionist sounded a little upset. Of course, I will attempt to call again Monday, but I suspect they will not be happy with me (having gotten a mammogram that demanded a redo and not even making a doctor appointment to discuss the results). I will reassure them that I do have another one scheduled, but that I am unsure of the point of talking to the doctor before the results are in.

You see, normal people have the attitude of, “OMG. Don’t you want to live? What could possibly be more important than getting this addressed?” My response is, “Uh…Lots of things are a higher priority right now. My husband and I live in a house that neither one of us is capable of taking care of and, regardless of who lives or not, the house needs to be sold. This is bigger than either one of us. What’s more, this is Michigan and these things need to be taken care of before the snow flies. I am doing both of us a favor, which is quite remarkable given that I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted. You don’t approve? Oh well.”

In other words, I feel satisfaction. I never knew satisfaction was so utterly different from hope.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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