“But we are fragile beings, so maybe we need to split until our meditation becomes more steady and supportive. That’s okay. In meditation, just notice how you’ve split. Notice how the gap feels in your body. Allow the split itself become the focus of your meditation. It doesn’t matter what kind of pain it is; open into it with your kind attention and it will take you where you need to go.” Nothing Holy About It, Tim Burkett, page 101
It is so easy to forget how fragile we are.
Last week, I was driving to the DMV office to transfer my plate to my vehicle that my parents just sold me. And some lights came on regarding the ABS brakes and tracking features. I instantly went numb. Another crisis? I went to my parents’ house and broke down emotionally. It turns out, so far, that it was just a light coming on and it hasn’t come on since.
People keep asking me what I want and need. The answer? To go a month or more without some new, bizarre trauma sucking up my time and attention.
In lieu of that, the best I can settle for is the friendly, open space of a friend that lets me vent however and whenever necessary. Meditation can provide some space, but may only end up allowing the full trauma to surface without the necessary supports to handle it.
I understand how and why people go postal, shoot randomly into movie theaters, get strange revenge on people, etc. I get it. People can only take so much. People need space and compassion and don’t always get it.