“Express yourself completely,
then keep quiet.
Be like the forces of nature:
when it blows, there is only wind;
when it rains, there is only rain;
when the clouds pass, the sun shines through….
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.” Tao Te Ching, Chapters 43 & 48, Stephen Mitchell translation
This is where I am.
I decided years ago that I am going to be honest about my feelings, regardless of how extreme they may be. I want to work through things, not live in denial, like I see so many people doing.
The sun is passing through now. I’ve gone a few days without any new drama and it feels wonderful. Barry does not have a UTI. I am getting things done. Boredom looks like a luxury I took for granted.
One advantage of the chaos I have lived through lately is that I have had no time or energy for relationships and people that do not serve my highest good. Now that things have calmed down, for this minute at least, I am questioning whether I want to restart things with people. I have the energy, but not necessarily the willingness, to continue things. I have no stomach for games, other people’s expectations, etc. I’m done. Why would I ever want to go back? My vision is getting clarified. I am dropping so much and I finally feel honest. People may or may not like the real me, but that no longer concerns me. Knowing where not to turn in a crisis is a handy piece of knowledge in itself.