Found an Answer

I didn’t know what to do about knowing Barry has nodules, not knowing if they are cancerous, him not wanting to know what’s going on, etc. I’ve decided to take zero initiative.

I was like, “OMG. What do I do? Do I call, write, or email the nurse practitioner to give some context? Do I push? Do I ignore things? What if they call? What if they don’t call?” I was going a little crazy.

I’ve decided that if the doctor’s office does not call us, I will not call them. I am allowing Barry and the medical providers to take the lead. I am taking Barry’s cue. I mention that I saw something on the ultrasound and he doesn’t even ask what I saw. Wow. There are two basic reasons people don’t ask questions: 1. They don’t want to know the answer, or 2. They already know the answer. I believe Barry is consciously acting on level 1 and subconsciously acting on level 2. I will allow things to progress on their own, whatever that means. It’s hard to just sit back and watch, but I don’t want to violate Barry’s free will.

No matter what the problem is, at least part of the solution seems to be letting go. Funny how that works. “Resistance is futile.”


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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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