Feels Like Senioritis

I have little motivation. And I feel like I should have a ton.

My realtor is about to get the approval form back from us reducing the price of our house to $29k. The house’s chance of selling is about to go way up.

And I have the same attitude problem I had during my MBA program. The last half of it, I hated everything about it. Another class? Are you kidding me? Another paper? Just how many freaking papers do I need to write before proving that I have some business writing ability? Virtually everything prompted a disbelieving response.

I put the house on the market last June. I am at a point where I’ll believe it when I see it.

Thankfully, there isn’t a ton to do to get ready to leave. I’ve been working at leaving Michigan for a few years and have seriously down-sized. Sometimes minimalism is pure survival.

But I have been looking at apartments in West Virginia. The rents I found in Virginia were high for no apparent reason as near as I could tell. Living on a fixed income, that matters. I can more easily pay off my student loans if I am not spending more than half my income just in rent. And I’m keeping up with my Spanish. And I’m continuing to volunteer at the Women’s Center. I am definitely keeping busy. And I’m looking for part-time jobs both here and there.

Some of my attitude problem is just plain exhaustion. Taking care of Barry with no light at the end of the tunnel has taken an enormous toll on my body and soul. I am hoping to recover after he goes, but the longer it goes on, the less sure I am that I will ever fully recover. I suspect that, once he dies, I might want to spend a month or more sleeping. Like a student after the end of their last class and right before commencement.


About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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