Change of a Different Kind

When I decided to lower the price of my house and move forward as much as possible with my life, things started to change somewhat.

One thing I am doing is “connected breathing”. This is deliberately not stopping the breath. My body has had an immediate reaction to this. I instantly encountered serious physical and emotional resistance.My body immediately started vibrating in a strange way and some physical issues seem to be shaking loose, literally and a little disturbingly. But this is something I can do to physically resolve various issues without additional financial resources. For some reason,I feel as if this is very important for getting to the next phase and I don’t know why.

One consequence is that an old friend stopped by my house yesterday. I wasn’t there–because I seldom am.  I am out running errands and getting things done, functioning for two.This is the friend I gave up on last year. She hadn’t been supportive of my efforts to get rid of superfluous crap and she hadn’t taken my safety seriously when I told her about someone had shot a BB through my living room window less than six inches from my head. And she left me the world’s most condescending voicemail telling me to call her when I “felt like acting like a grown-up.” I never called her back. Any time I was tempted to do so, I reminded myself of the voicemail. And the temptation would be gone.  I figured she would probably swing by my house after it sold and would find out we had moved.

It was a huge surprise that she came by. I’m still not going to call her because the reasons  I am not calling her still stand: I don’t need her disapproval and am not interested in a “friendship” where my well-being is not prioritized properly. I’m pretty sure she’s waiting for an apology. Oh well. Not my problem.

Still, this is movement. Not the movement I’ve been waiting for, but change is in the air.

Tags: ,

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: