Trying to Learn
People want to help me. I am very happy about that. I am not being abandoned.
My problem? I’m not sure what they can do.
I have to move and I have to coordinate everything. I don’t even know what to ask people to do.
This is the issue: I need to learn everything I can from my experience now for future reference. In the past, I have transitioned from one situation to another with minimal awareness. Barry led the way. Now I don’t know the way and Barry can no longer communicate meaningfully.
Ten years from now, I want to remember everything I am thinking and feeling now. The good stuff, the bad stuff, all of it. I know I will make mistakes and I want to be able to look back and trace where I went wrong.
I feel like a student that cheated in a class and aced it. Then I am enrolled in a tougher class in the same subject and the assumption is that I know the material. In reality, I am behind and playing catch-up.
People want to help and I’m not sure how they can.