Trying to Learn

People want to help me. I am very happy about that. I am not being abandoned.

My problem? I’m not sure what they can do.

I have to move and I have to coordinate everything. I don’t even know what to ask people to do.

This is the issue: I need to learn everything I can from my experience now for future reference. In the past, I have transitioned from one situation to another with minimal awareness. Barry led the way. Now I don’t know the way and Barry can no longer communicate meaningfully.

Ten years from now, I want to remember everything I am thinking and feeling now. The good stuff, the bad stuff, all of it. I know I will make mistakes and I want to be able to look back and trace where I went wrong.

I feel like a student that cheated in a class and aced it. Then I am enrolled in a tougher class in the same subject and the assumption is that I know the material. In reality, I am behind and playing catch-up.

People want to help and I’m not sure how they can.


About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

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