Trying to Learn

People want to help me. I am very happy about that. I am not being abandoned.

My problem? I’m not sure what they can do.

I have to move and I have to coordinate everything. I don’t even know what to ask people to do.

This is the issue: I need to learn everything I can from my experience now for future reference. In the past, I have transitioned from one situation to another with minimal awareness. Barry led the way. Now I don’t know the way and Barry can no longer communicate meaningfully.

Ten years from now, I want to remember everything I am thinking and feeling now. The good stuff, the bad stuff, all of it. I know I will make mistakes and I want to be able to look back and trace where I went wrong.

I feel like a student that cheated in a class and aced it. Then I am enrolled in a tougher class in the same subject and the assumption is that I know the material. In reality, I am behind and playing catch-up.

People want to help and I’m not sure how they can.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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