More Urgent Now

I have to get a sense of purpose–now. I am driving one of my dearest friends crazy by being overly interested in her cat. I need a life, badly.

Everything was drama, drama, drama for so long. The house, Barry’s health, then moving.

Then I got sick. I got a cold that’s worse than one I’ve had in years. Not going to do much until I start to feel better.

Now I am starting to feel better and have more energy. And I desperately need something productive to do.

I need something so motivating that it will get me up in the morning, regardless of Barry’s situation. Something I feel is genuinely important. My problem right now is that everything feels so contrived. I feel like I am trying to manufacture emotions, which never works for me.

I don’t know how to fix this.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “More Urgent Now”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    I think however you are feeling when you notice a feeling is where you are. I also think you need a pinch of joy…happiness….contentment. How you go about realizing a goal is the hard oart

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