Feeling More Clarity

A lot of things have been happening as of late. I had the weird intuitive feeling. I’ve been having the strange, moving energy. My step-daughter seems to be losing her mind, which has led to a great disappointment for her dad. My sense of urgency is now raging.

I’ve talked about the first two things, so I will start with the third. What do I mean that she is “losing her mind”?  I mean that My best friend’s daughter is behaving in an eerily similar manner while on drugs, leaving me to wonder if Bailey is on drugs as well. Bailey is planning on leaving Michigan, just like my friend’s daughter. What this means is that Barry cannot see his grandsons this week because no one wants to upset her. Seriously? She wants to see her kids as much as possible before she leaves the state. Never mind that Barry hasn’t seen Austyn nor Drew since Christmas 2014.  Everywhere she goes, chaos is the rule. Barry might be able to talk to the boys this week, but he was crestfallen that he wasn’t going to see them.

The sense of urgency is multi-faceted. I am so upset with Bailey because Barry’s mind is going. His body might be around a year or two from now, but his mind won’t be. Also, I feel that I won’t be living in the apartment for more than a year or two. What keeps going through my mind and heart is, “THIS IS IT.” I don’t even know what that means, but I feel a major sense of finality.

I think I have gotten rid of the ants in the bathroom. I went from having a few to one to none. I kept seeing gaps in the caulk. And I kept filling the gaps. Do ants eat caulk? Eeuuw.

I am starting to trust my feelings/hunches. This is new.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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