Not Wishful Thinking

I’ve been waiting for change for years. I have taken as much responsibility as I humanly can. I’ve prayed endlessly and fervently.

Now I am seeing movement that cannot possibly be attributed to me.

Barry has not seen his grandsons since Christmas of 2014. Now it looks like it is going to happen. Tragic stuff had to happen to get things to this point. Bailey (his daughter) had to spiral out of control. She gave up her children to their dad, Jeff. The court has granted him permanent physical custody. He wants his kids to see their Grandpa Barry. And Bailey is moving to Las Vegas on February 17! All of this is new and none of it has anything to do with me.

Also, Barry’s cough has gotten much worse. It really sounds gross. I have asked him if he would take an antibiotic if the physician’s assistant (PA) suggested it and he said no. Even if the PA says he is fine, I now know better. What I am seeing is undeniable, at least to me. Everyone can tell me I’m crazy, but reality is validating my opinions.

I’ve been looking for signs of change for a few years and now I’m seeing them. My fledgling intuition is coming to pass. And here I am, trying to convince myself that I’m not just kidding myself, again. Wow. The rational mind and ego really don’t want me listening to anything else, even if it’s just a different part of me.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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