A Potentially Bad Day

Yesterday, many things happened. I went to see a friend in the hospital. That went well. And that’s about all that went well.

My friend Lynn had a heart valve replaced Monday. I planned on picking up her roommate Wendy and visiting her at the U of M hospital in Ann Arbor. The home care worker arrived a little early. Yea. Wendy and I got a slightly early start. We get on I-96. And then it happens.

The “low tire air” light comes on. We went to a gas station. I couldn’t seem to put enough air into the left front tire, the one that seemed the lowest.  So we went back to Lynn and Wendy’s and got Wendy’s rental car. Getting to Ann Arbor is simple enough, I-96 east to US 23 south. Lori (Lynn’s sister) had given me directions that I faithfully wrote down. They were pretty good, but not perfect. Getting parked at the hospital was relatively easy. Figuring out the elevators was not. We had to get help to get to Lynn’s room.

I had wanted to get Lynn a Frosty because she had thrown up a couple nights earlier and was low on calcium. I thought it would be soothing. But, with the car drama and not being familiar enough with the area, we gave up on that idea. However, when we were about halfway to Lynn’s room inside the hospital, we ran into Lori and her partner and also found a rather random beverage center that sells coffee drinks and fruit smoothies. We got further directions to the room.  I got a strawberry smoothie for Lynn. That was rather serendipitous. She rather liked it and said it felt good on her throat.

At her room, I met her mom and step-dad. They seemed to like me. I guess they had heard all about my cat-petting ways. Everything was very good during the actual visit.

But I was running behind and called the health care people to extend the time for an hour because of the car drama. We left at a good time, got back in the car, and promptly got very lost. It was just like being back in WV, with everything on a hill and nothing properly labelled, street-wise.  I’m pretty sure we circled campus a few times. I kept looking for a sign saying I-96 or I-94 (a different but totally acceptable way back home) or US 23. Nope. Nada. We had to stop and ask someone and it turned out that we weren’t all that far from US 23.

Once northbound on US 23, we were on our way home. We got home even later than I had anticipated. I pet Shyla and gave her treats in a hurry. The home care worker was gone because, oddly enough, she has a life and can’t wait around after staying an extra hour.  I called the company and thanked them for the effort.

It was strange because, even as we kept getting lost, part of me truly did not care. I felt like I should have been upset. Do I have more equanimity now or do I just not give a rat’s ass anymore? I simply wasn’t willing to put out the emotional energy to get riled up.

So now it’s Friday morning. I still need to get at least one new tire. I was planning on getting two new tires before winter, maybe in September or October, but I can do it now. It doesn’t make a real difference.

Am I maturing or do I not have enough emotional energy to care? I’m sure people would tell me I handled things well, but the praise or lack of it would not affect me. There are so many things I need to do and part of me is unwilling to get emotionally involved anymore because it feels like there is no point to it. I feel like I am becoming more like Sheldon. (How scary is that?) If I had been upset when we got to Lynn’s room, then it would have been all about me and that’s not what I want. I’ll let her mom play that role. I’m trying to learn how to manifest better things now and part of that is using my emotions strategically. But I may need to have more of them than I do.

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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

3 responses to “A Potentially Bad Day”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Numb! I think you are just numb. Your life has been very complicated and you are clawing and scratching your way back up. Be kind to yourself!

  2. Ninasusan says :

    Btw. Did you work it out about the stranger?

  3. cdhoagpurple says :

    I actually encountered her again and explained that I didn’t know her. She seemed okay with it. She seems to want to pick my brain regarding issues of her life. That’s fine. I am just not able to be a lot of people’s buddy right now.

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