Better than Last Summer

The past couple weeks have been a little overwhelming. One of my best friends just had a heart valve replaced. She was in the hospital longer than expected. She just got out this past Friday. So I spent a good amount of time Saturday trying to be there for her and feeling guilty for being away from Barry for so long.

Then there’s the whole Michigan Rehabilitative Services thing. I went to orientation. I am very unsure of whether or not I qualify for their services, but I plan on forcing them to reject me, if I don’t. I arrived bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and promptly felt over-dressed. Almost everyone else came in jeans and t-shirts. It was a little low-class, honestly. At the end, we all filled out a form. On mine, I put depression as my disability. I decided not to put that I spent  more than a few years as of late feeling suicidal. Not good for the resume. I gave my shrink’s name and said that I have an MBA and am trying to get back into the workforce now that I will have insurance help. Who knows what will happen? But I will do my part.

And then there’s the political circus. Almost every day had some new revelation regarding the President’s misbehavior. I tried to imagine the outcome if Hillary had won. Even if he doesn’t get officially impeached, his credibility is gone forever. “Make way for President Pence” is similar to a headline I saw on a Christian website. And it is only May of the first year of the term.

I thought about what things were like this time last year. I still get overwhelmed, but now I recover within a couple weeks. I know that I am recovered when I get bored. Vacillation between overwhelm and boredom is normal. Taking care of Barry and the house had me in a perpetual state of overwhelm. I am no longer weeding, freaking out about every noise I couldn’t easily identify, and praying for death at every turn. I was never bored.

My life may not be great, but it sure beats what it was this time last year.

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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

One response to “Better than Last Summer”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    I do this too! Politically and life in general. Trying very hard to let the past go….I’m talking about the ancient past…I’m teaching myself to just stop. Stop thinking!! But, like you, sometimes I look back on my last few years and it gives me hope and optimism…wow I’ve come so far! I just can’t stop remembering and I don’t know how others do it. Practice, I guess!

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