Is Everything About States of Mind?

I feel like I have either had an epiphany or discovered the obvious.

I think I was at Barnes and Noble and every dot imaginable got connected all at once. Every subject I have ever been interested in has come down to one: states of mind.

I’m not kidding. Here’s a very partial list of some of my interests: psychology, religion, diet, exercise, energy (personal and cosmic), hypnosis, Buddhism (with its emphasis on suffering, emptiness, and compassion), witchcraft, neurology (especially beta, alpha, theta, and delta brain states), languages, substance abuse and recovery, psychedelic drugs, meditation, corporate culture,  and I can’t even think of the rest. If you made a giant Venn diagram with all those circles, the overlap would be consciousness.

I don’t know if this clarifies anything because I could spend the next umpteen lifetimes refining various abilities. I could try psychedelic drugs, learn various forms of shamanism, do Zen meditation, tinker with my diet, try different antidepressants, move away from various electro-magnetic frequencies, master self-hypnosis, etc.

I feel like my mind is infinite. If only infinity was the same thing as happiness. People self-medicate with anything and everything. My choice lately has been potato salad, with its serious carbs helping the old serotonin levels.

What I am realizing lately is that absolutely is everything is “state-dependent.” I discovered years ago in school that if I studied for a test high on caffeine, I would do better on the test if I was the same degree of buzzed. If I studied half asleep, I needed to be half asleep when taking the test. It’s like having a really vivid dream. You get out of bed and forget it ten minutes later. Then, when you go to bed the next night, you reach that same level of consciousness as the dream, and there it all is, like it was waiting for you. Or you are watching TV and realize you want something from the kitchen. So you get up, go to the kitchen, and can’t remember what you got up for. So you go back to the couch, sit in that exact same position, and the train of thought resumes, reminding you of what you needed in the kitchen.

It is like everything creates a train of thought. But you can have thousands of trains in just one day. Zen helps you to see all the thoughts. Zen says you are not your thoughts. Zen helps you to let them all go. There is a purity in that, but I still have to take Barry to his doctor appointments, pay the bills, and basically function. How does that work? I just don’t know.


About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

2 responses to “Is Everything About States of Mind?”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    And we know how well our mind works when it isn’t congested with all the things we can really do nothing about anyway. It’s something I fight everyday…

  2. cdhoagpurple says :

    I’m trying to develop the discipline to only jump onto trains of thought that go somewhere I really want to go. Eternal vigilance is sometimes exhausting.

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