Not This or That
Who the hell am I?
I have never been this lost.
I have been trying to get a part-time job, without much luck so far. It would be the first post-Barry employment.
But I ache for Barry. I took a nap today, which I seldom do. I had a dream with Barry. He was driving the car and I had my head on his shoulder. It felt so good. I’ve been having dreams with him. The numbness has worn off. I miss him. Not the Barry that died the God-awful, horrific, advertisement-for-euthanasia, death. No. The Barry that I married.
So I put my wedding band back on. And it feels right. I’m not married, but I didn’t get divorced, either.
Winter won’t end. The weather just continues to suck. Snow and rain. Upper 30s. Yuck. Technically, it is spring, but that doesn’t seem meaningful.
I am neither married nor single. I’m not working, but I did tutor a little today and I don’t need to work at the moment.
I am between identities. I do not want to hurry and take the first job offered. I want to do something meaningful. I may never tell strangers that I am technically single. I want to embrace the in-between-ness.