I am having assorted problems. I always look for a theme to my woes.
At least one of my trial hearing aids is not working. I can only, and just barely, hear the phone ring in my left hearing aid. They are programmed into my IPhone5. When technology works, it makes your life so much easier, but when it doesn’t, it is pretty much worthless.
About a week ago, my friend in MD called. I was not accustomed at all to my hearing aids and I may have hung up on her. I may have put my ear onto the phone, which may have accidentally hung up on her because putting my ear to the phone, I think, pushes a button that I don’t want pushed. I have tried calling her back and get her voice mail after just one ring, which is odd, because it has always taken 5 rings for her voice mail to pick up. She may be angry at me, but I have no way of finding out with my hearing aids not working….
And then I have friends who have no idea that actions and words have consequences. There is my friend of thirty years, S, who cheated on her husband, put me in the middle, and then expects me to keep her secret. It dawned on me a few days ago that, even if she told her husband tomorrow, nothing would change what she has done to me. Time won’t change the fact that she put and kept me in an untenable situation for years. A true friend would never, ever do that.
And then there is the friend with cancer, W. W has been living with my friend L since 2012, when L rescued her from homelessness. L kept telling W to not use the address as a mailing address or to tip off management. W accidentally told someone in management a month or two ago that she lived there. Now L has her rent increased by $50 a month and owes that extra $50 retroactively back to the time L moved in in 2004. Perhaps L can have a neighbor sign that W has only been there since 2012, but, if not, L will likely owe $7000 to $8000 in back rent and may have to pay it immediately or risk eviction in 30 days. I won’t take in W because she just screwed over her most recent roommate. I don’t need a roommate like that. She was simply careless. The issue: W is a few years older than myself, 53 or 54. She is too old to have such loose lips. They really do sink ships.
What the hell is wrong with people? I keep hearing that Mercury is in retrograde, as if that explains all the insanity on earth. I guess it hurts people’s ability to communicate. That’s easy to believe.
All I can focus upon is work. Now I am working for DS Huber. They have the right concept: Lansing is becoming a rental town, full of grad students looking to rent houses. They are expanding quickly. I get the impression that the head guy’s wife just wants to stay at home and raise their children, but he’s into real estate and, since she is talented, she is doing a lot of stuff from home. I think she wants to unload that stuff onto me. Starting with payroll. She is training me on that. Also, I am getting accustomed to this software, Rentmanager, where I can generate bills. Last week, I went to the website of the Lansing City Assessor’s office and looked up properties and put the amount due for summer taxes into Rentmanager. Also, they have some realtors working for them, purchasing properties. Each one is responsible for paying the various repair/tax bills for their listings, but that is getting to be a bit much, so they are going to start unloading that onto me. And I am supposed to start on-boarding people, knowing which are normal w-2 employees and which are 1099 independent contractors. And this is me after one week.
And this is all good, once I get used to it. I have a theory that adults do four basic things: marriage, children, school, and work. I never wanted kids. Marriage? Been there, done that. School? So been there, done that. I wanted to work when I graduated but had a sick husband. So that didn’t happen. But now it is all I want to do. I have a key to the office building. I really want to do a good job and be the best they’ve ever seen.
I am just left wondering if the universe is trying to prevent me from doing pretty much anything else. I can’t seem to reach people and some of the people in my life I’m not sure I want in my life anymore. I feel isolated but like there are too many coincidences. There is a message here somewhere, but I’m not getting it.
Remember when I had no job? Now I have two! Seriously.
I started working for this guy that flips houses. He thinks I’m great. Then, another guy who flips houses on a much larger scale hired him–and me.
Right now I am very frustrated because I am trying to handle all of his accounts and the passwords and user IDs he has given me do not work. So I am accomplishing zilch at the moment.
My boss, Jim, is a little ADD. And I am a little Asperger-y. He wants me to handle all the non-physical aspects of the company. If I had access to the accounts, things could get accomplished, but no. My autistic-ish tendencies make me want to rock back and forth in my chair until something changes. So I’m trying to be Zen and meditate while awaiting someone who can actually help me to call or show up.
I sooooooo want to do a good job.
A few days ago, I was at the Biggby’s coffee house where Barry and I always went on his meeting days. I miss him so much and the people there know me and knew him.
Anyhoo…I was staring out the window into the sky, watching the clouds go by and had this sudden feeling of recognition: it was the same feeling I always had staring at the sky while lying on my back behind the high school growing up. I have always loved being alone. But I hadn’t had that feeling in over thirty years.
I thought that part of me had died after 29 years of marriage. Has it been hibernating for three decades? Where has it been?
I feel like I am resuming my single life, which I had never developed in my youth.
And I have a job! I am working for a guy that flips houses, Jim. He’s a really good guy, but a tad ADD. He is unorganized and that’s where I come in. So far, I am simply organizing his receipts, but I have learned how to run payroll. He trusts me with everything, which is huge. He just started his business. My work has started small, but I realize that this job will probably take over my life in the next year.
Long-term agenda: get some awesome experience so I can leave Michigan and work anywhere. I am contemplating Columbus, OH, because I have family there.
Short-term agenda: contact my Indian friend in NC and schedule a long weekend with her before the job takes over my life. I haven’t gone to see her in years. She came to visit me in February 2017. I could not go to her because I could not leave Barry. I have gone nowhere for years. Literally and figuratively. I can travel now that Barry is gone. My first trip was this past February to visit my parents in FL. Now I can have my own life.