Needing a Whole New Way of Being

I’ve realized that I need more than ordinary assistance. I need a new way of approaching everything.

I need to find a way of avoiding being chronically overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed creates a slew of problems. I mentioned last post that I lost my apartment keys. I forgot to mention that I managed to lose my gym bag. How in hell did I do that? I contacted the gym and told them about  it (beige with cats all over it). I should still probably go there to see if someone didn’t just shove it into a locker after it sat around all day.

Other issues from being overwhelmed include physical and emotional. Physically, I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to all sorts of illness ending in “-itis” (swelling or inflammation of _______).  Emotionally, I basically lost it the other day being paranoid about a problem at work. I was right on the edge to begin with and that just pushed me right over the edge.

Today is thanksgiving for normal people. I am actually going to two different celebrations. However, for me, it is the thirtieth anniversary with Barry. We were married 11/22/88. We were married for 29 years. Yet it still feels good to go somewhere, anywhere, so I am not alone all day.  It sounds crazy, but I am actually glad I work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Another hazard of being overwhelmed is projecting my emotional crap onto others because I do not have the mental space to discern the difference between my stuff and other people’s. Hard not to do.

What am I going to do today? Breathe a lot and prepare for Black Friday.


About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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