Helper of a Helper

I am in an odd position. My good friend, L, has a cat. L’s dad has stage four cancer that went from his soft tissue to his lungs. L’s sisters, Lisa and Lori, went to Florida to get the dad and haul him and his wife back to Michigan. Lisa has two cats and a chihuahua. L has been pet sitting and living with the little beasts. But her own cat, Shyla, still needs tending. Enter Cindy. I have been spoiling my favorite dufus, visiting after work.

So I find myself functioning as what I think of as an “underneath support person.” Likely, the dad will never meet me.

My parents may attempt to visit my brother Mike, who has cancer, this week. They were going to go a couple weeks ago, but he was going to be hospitalized for a few days’ worth of treatment. My concern is for Ma. Mike has not really been part of the family for the past couple decades, which I do not blame him for at all. But how devastating must it be to see your own child dying? How could it be anything other than traumatic for her to see him? Perhaps she can complete something for him emotionally or spiritually.

What can I do? I have been trying to keep things normal for her. I have been going to my parents’ place on Sundays for dinner and to play games. I am doing it just to keep up normalcy for Ma. I don’t always feel like going there, but I’ll do it if it’ll help.

My philosophy: Do what I can for those I love, which may be quite limited. And, if I am pretty sure I cannot contribute anything positive, stay far, far away from the situation. Do no harm. Do good or get out.

We are the recipients of care we know nothing about.


About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “Helper of a Helper”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Do no harm and love as much as you can!

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