On Retreat

This has been a very healing weekend. I feel so loved.

I have been trying to figure out how to deal with a narcissistic father and my lethal shame. I still don’t have a lot of answers, but I know one thing: I am going to try to honor my limits. What can I handle, relationship-wise, with my dad? I don’t know, but my tolerance (and not his agenda) will drive my behavior.

My New-Age-y friends and I tie-dyed tee shirts, walked around a labyrinth, made papier mache suns. It has been so cool and rejuvenating. I am sad to go home in the morning, but this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

This place is up by Big Rapids and Ferris State University. They have an actual Museum of Racist Memorabilia. Really weird. I am at the Inn at the Rustic Gate. Rustic is about right. There is no cell service out here! But they have WiFi. People kept hopping in their cars to go try to get cell reception. The place is beyond peaceful. And the food is fantastic. And they own a cat, Einstein. He rules and he knows it.

I even have deepened my relationship with a couple of lesbians who live in Bellingham, Washington, Jen and Miriam. Jen is now a professor out there. She got her PhD at MSU. These women know what it’s like to walk away from family and develop actual healthy relationships. I admire them both.

I am so grateful for this weekend.

Also, it was Linda’s birthday. We all chipped in for her gift. I forgot what it was, but she said this birthday was very special because of all of us. She goes home to her PhD botanist at MSU husband.  She is the one that seems to live in a parallel reality and comes to visit earth occasionally. She totally lives in her right brain. I don’t understand her much, but we love each other a lot. She just seems to live a most interesting life.

I know some of the most interesting people.

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About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

2 responses to “On Retreat”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Sounds very positive!! I’m so happy you got away!

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