Another Clue

I have been watching videos by Dr. Les Carter. OMG. They are so good. Or maybe they just speak to exactly where I am at.

I have always felt like a victim of my dad. I watched him push, push, push, his father to the point where Grandpa would get angry and flustered. I remember wondering, “Why is Dad so mean to Grandpa?” Even as a pre-teen, my dad’s behavior confused me. Now I am 52 years old and he does it to me.  And I am DONE.

The video I just watched was all about the predictable things narcissists do and how they are addicted to control. This I can relate to. I have watched my alcoholic brothers ruin their own lives. I have seen the Jellineck charts that show all of the extraordinarily predictable stages of addiction. If you know that A leads to B, which leads to C,  which leads to D… and you see B, you do not need supernatural powers to know that C is coming next. The timing may vary, but the timing is the only thing that varies.

Not only is there no need for me to be a victim and simply accept how he treats me, but I also now have the ability to predict the dysfunctional crap he will throw at me. The mystery is gone.

I am going to get political now. This stuff is so relevant for today. People throw around the term “narcissist” very easily and say Trump is a narcissist. This is not “pathologizing” the President. The description is accurate. Trump is a full-on narcissist. He suffers from what Alcoholics Anonymous refers to as “terminal uniqueness.” Only he can solve the problem (that he himself created and takes zero responsibility for). Only he is the “chosen one.” When completely at fault, his strategy is to blame, blame,and blame some more. Once you understand what you are dealing with, you can actually predict what he will do next. That is the narcissist’s blind spot. They delusionally believe they are unique while the reality is that everyone has their number. Everyone. The code he speaks in, everyone already has the accurate translation of, with the possible exception of his more ardent followers.

More dots connected…

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

2 responses to “Another Clue”

  1. theOwl30 says :

    I, too, am very glad I discovered Dr. Les Carter’s videos on Narcissism. Very informative!

    One BIG lesson I am learning is that we all MUST have Boundaries, firm ones, with a Narcissist. (Wait til you hear this): Mine, is long-distance and involving communication by e-mail. To anyone reading this: What would you think if—–

    You write an email to “the Narcissist”. In normal conversation, i think most people would expect:
    1. a reply. and not only that but that the reply you get would be “relevant”. But instead, here’s what happens:

    A) sometimes about 60% of everything I said in the emai isnt even commented on, addressed or even mentioned–at all. Its like I never even wrote it or the person didnt even read it. This happens repeatedly!
    B) if i do get a response to questions bring up or things I mentioned, very often they response is “like a 4-word “robot” answer. ULTRA-brief. cold.
    C) if it IS addressed, often it may be either ridiculed “LISTEN to yourself and wjhat your saying. You should think it through” and then the person will “instruct” you with their opinion as if they have cornered the market on “truth” and can hardly believe you were so “ignorant”. But usually you thought it through just fine and it feels like the reply is just some high-n-mighty I-know-better-than-you response.

    There’s more. Often they will argue you back n forth, tooth and nail as if they are hell bent on proving you wrong….here, i admit, i can also be one who likes to have the last word, but even so, i feel i am much more polite about it all…anyway, they keep replying/arguing UNTIL—you say something they cant disprove AND THEN, all of a sudden they switch gears, wanna take the high ground and come out with: “well, we could analyze it to death and i dont want to beat a dead horse”—but they didnt arguing one bit when they thought they were “winning”. But there’s more—

    When you have a point they cant disprove, or even simply ask questions, as i said, not only are they often simply not mentioned or responded to at all in the reply, but the reply you get, several times, will be some side-issue you weren’t even talking about and you wonder “what does this have to do with anything i was talking about?!?” They have avoided replying to your views.

    THIS is what I am dealing with—-so-o, I have decided to simply STOP all communication with this person by email. Period. We can still communicate—-by PHONE—like thousands of other healthy normal people do everyday. Boundaries!! I wish Dr. Les Carter would do a video specifically on what I’ve just described and this person lives over 800 miles away. Feel free to copy or re-post or share THIS post. Thanks for reading this.

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