I Don’t Want to be Well-Adjusted

I have started psychoanalysis. This is a better fit for me than cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Don’t get me wrong. Coping beats not coping. I just don’t feel that CBT addresses the real issues. It can show you how to handle your feelings in a more constructive manner and perhaps not kill your boss on a bad day, but it doesn’t get at the root of why you feel a certain way in the first place. It has abundant resources for finding various alternative behaviors, support systems, etc. However, it may simply aid in learning how to react more “normally” in abnormal situations.

In my opinion, the glory and horror of humanity is our ability to adapt to anything and everything. We can change our environments for the better or worse and children can adapt to virtually anything whatsoever. This is why addiction is a family disease. This is also the problem of abusive relationships. The abuser never starts out beating his girlfriend. It starts with yelling, and then a slap, and by then the girlfriend has zero self-confidence and will sometimes die emotionally and/or spiritually. That is, if the boyfriend doesn’t physically kill her in a fit of rage. We adapt. Adaptation is not always a good thing.

I’ve been blogging a lot lately about this new-agey group I attend. At one point, I said that I did not want to be interrupted when I speak. I was told how inappropriate and judgmental I was. I came in the next week and told that person that their attitude was toxic. I would do it again. If wanting to be treated with a basic level of courtesy is “inappropriate” in this group, then my participation in this group needs to end immediately. The core value is non-negotiable; my participation in the group is highly negotiable.

I spent some time with the leader of the group and she said that that lady (who ran out crying after I said her attitude was toxic) was struggling because of her “Balanced View” (BV) perspective and how everything in that philosophy is just “data.” I have since done some research on BV.

BV looks like the next stage in human development, but it is not. It is amoral. There is no sense of justice. It talks about human relationships without mentioning ethics. It is all about how things are now. The idea is that everything we encounter is just data. Information for us to use. It talks about normalizing everything. George Orwell could not have written it any better. In my opinion, BV is demonic, delusional, and destructive. I am not kidding. This stuff can be easily used for evil.

If you take their philosophy to its logical extreme, you easily see the inherent evil of BV. The holocaust? Just data. Child molesters? Just data. Lynchings? Just data.

The reason my friend ran from the room crying wasn’t because she was a poor BV practitioner; it was because BV doesn’t actually work in the real world.

BV is the ultimate in moral relativism. This woman is one of the sweetest, most good-hearted people I have ever known. But moral relativism simply does not work. And it never will. The most ardent moral relativist becomes a strict moral absolutist the very nanosecond they feel wronged or treated unfairly in any way.

You have to understand how far left on the political spectrum the women in this group are. They talk about social justice all the time: racism, criminal justice reform, LGBT rights, etc. I don’t ever want to hear about any of that stuff again if it is all “just data.”

Talking to the leader was very enlightening to me. She said that what I perceived wasn’t even real. I remember thinking, “What an odd way to be invalidated.” She also talked about the Matrix and how everything may just be an illusion.

The problem is simple: even if we are just in the Matrix, we still have to function within the Matrix. We still have to get up and go to work in the Matrix. We still have to get our cars fixed in the Matrix. We still have to make our rent or mortgage payment in the Matrix. Even if you believe you will be instantly released from the Matrix upon death, you still have to function within it in the meantime.

I identify as Buddhist many times. Buddhism believes that everything is ultimately an illusion. Yet it has a high ethical/moral code. Why bother with ethics/morals when it’s all illusory? Because, in the meantime, we are stuck within the illusion of consensus reality.

I believe that our culture has lost its moral bearings. Because of white supremacy and misogyny and rules only applying to some people, a contempt has developed for all rules.

The problem is that every group, association, culture, business, school, or whatever has to have some code of conduct and meaningful consequences for those who refuse to conform. That is called “morality.”

Conservative Christians are hypocrites for supporting Trump. Hypocrisy is when you claim certain values and then do not live up to them.

This is the problem on the political left: a refusal to accept that behavior has consequences. Anal sex is a fabulous way to get AIDS. Marijuana inhibits the intellectual growth of adolescents. Drinking leads to cirrhosis. You can make something legal, but you can’t make it healthy, safe, or non-addictive. Reality always, 100% of the time, rules and comes back to bite you in the ass. People on the left are not hypocrites because they claim no morals in the first place. They are simply amoral. Loving feelings are not a substitute for common sense courtesy.

I want something better than what our culture seems to offer. Adaptation is so not the goal. Becoming better adjusted to insanity is not a worthy goal. I am not interested in spending my remaining days trying to cope with stupidity. If that makes me “judgmental,” my I become more so every passing day.


About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “I Don’t Want to be Well-Adjusted”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    I understand most of what you are saying. I hooked on the data sentence…everything is just data…that’s kind of the way I look at my thoughts…as just data…the ones I grasp onto and enhance with an emotion often becomes something I have to deal with down the road. Data is just the waves on the ocean.

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