Personal Evolution

I’ve worked at the Goodwill for almost two years. I have always felt like I have managed to say or do the wrong things around our district manager, K. I got paranoid a couple weeks ago. We made sales in June, which was astonishing given the occupancy restrictions. Others had already received their incentive vouchers, little purple gift certificates for employees. I hadn’t yet received mine. Had I pissed off K?

I asked a couple of different managers if I had offended K. Both said K had no problem with me and one even said K liked me. My response? “You’re kidding.” I wonder if K has no people skills whatsoever. I’ve been walking around for the past two years wondering if I was on the verge of getting fired by K. Everyone else thinks I’m great. I show up and work hard. I even got an extra voucher for helping in donations. My personal philosophy on being an authority figure is that one must provide positive (or at least some sort of) feedback. If one does not provide feedback, one becomes a blank screen for everyone to project their childhood issues onto. Then one runs the risk of unknowingly upsetting people and wondering where the hell their reactions are coming from.

Have I been doing this to everyone my entire life? Talking to my psychoanalyst, she asked me if K reminded me of my mother. I thought about it and said no, she was more like my dad, providing little positive feedback. No wonder I have issues with her. I sort of get along with my mother. Not so much with Dad.

Speaking of evolution, I’m seeing a lot of it lately–and a lot faster than I thought I would. Republican lawmakers are testing positive for the coronavirus. Herman Cain, a black Trumper, died from the virus after attending the Trump rally in Tulsa. And my mom thinks the numbers are exaggerated, even as numbers explode all over. At this point, my parents could die of this thing without any awareness that that’s what’s happening. It is now at a point I thought it wouldn’t reach until well after the election, maybe not until next year.

Everything is happening at such a dizzying pace that I wonder what on Earth could be next.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “Personal Evolution”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    If one does not provide feedback, one becomes a blank screen for everyone to project their childhood issues onto. …..well said

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