The Reality of Impermanence

I feel like everything is changing at once.

I will be moving to the west end of town within the next few months. I have given notice to my current apartment complex that I will not be renewing my lease, which means I will be paying a very high rent on a month-by-month basis for the next couple months. I am willing to do this because I don’t want to still be where I am now when the pandemic ends. Also, my mother has shown me no encouragement in terms of my ability to move. So I probably won’t tell her anything further about moving until after the fact.

And my iphone is dying. But because of the pandemic, I can’t just go to the Apple store and get another one. I have an appointment next weekend. For a while, I couldn’t even give it a charge. Wow.

It feels like all my expenses happened at once. Thank goodness I didn’t spend much of anything during quarantine. I actually saved money while I was getting paid and not working or doing anything. Sometimes discipline is survival.

Also, I wen to have coffee with a friend. She clearly has a fast-developing case of dementia, probably Alzheimer’s. She is one of the nicest people I have ever known. I hope her husband has plans for the future, long-term-care wise. Watching her go downhill is so painful. At Barnes and Noble, I felt like I was taking responsibility for her in the exact same way I had to for Barry.

And then Trump and his allies came up positive for the coronavirus. Hilarious. Reality is still real. Science is factual. Denial does not work long-term. Karmic justice is occurring in real time. The conservative worldview has been definitively and forever repudiated by reality itself. No liberal media source has the ability to sow the chaos in the GOP that their own carelessness has created. Their Fox-News fantasy world has been exposed as total crap to the whole world.

Do I think Trump will die of coronavirus? No. What I know is that he has had some neurological problem for a while. I saw a video of him in some factory dragging his right foot. As the widow of a man with neurological problems, I know what they look like. And Trump is obese. I think this will cause long-term physical problems, especially with lung capacity, exhaustion, and weird circulatory issues.

I look at the Republican party and laugh. Even if you believe that Trump is the greatest President ever, so what? He is still mortal. His going to Walter Reed is a good reminder of just how fast things can change. He says there will be no transfer of power. He is a moron. Of course, there will be an eventual transfer of power. Duh. Did Kennedy transfer power to Johnson? Not at all. But it still happened. Nobody lives forever. When Trump is gone, there is simply nothing left of the Republican party. It has no platform. There is no pretense of being a functioning political party without a platform. What does it stand for? Nothing, because its positions would be encapsulated in a platform, which does not exist.

It can be hard to believe change is occurring when every day seems exactly like every other day. The quarantine has created a strange sameness to life. But someday, the quarantine will be over and everything will be different. We have to prepare for that. And it is painful to admit that everything is changing when you want to maintain the status quo. I am feeling that intense pain right now.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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