Not Sure What to Think

I talked to my mom today. Maybe not the best idea.

I don’t think she can look further into the future than the next year or two. That disturbs me greatly. Serious longevity runs in her family. She had an aunt that passed away just a couple years ago at the age of 98. Ma is 78.

When we talked politics (always a bad idea, why she brings it up is a mystery to me), I told her that I was looking beyond 2020 and into 2024 and beyond. She said that that wasn’t her problem. I told her that the last majority-white kindergarten class America had was in 2011. She asked what that had to do with anything. I asked if she was kidding. I informed her that kindergartners today are the voters of 12 years from now. She said young people do not vote. I told her she needed to watch something other than Fox News. I told her to look at the lines of voters in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, that it’s not senior citizens standing in line for eight or ten hours waiting to vote. These are the 20-30 year old crowd.

I talked about the concept of a “ticket out,” where people who aren’t really all that sick find something to die of simply because they are not happy with their lives. I talked of a friend whose sister had multiple sclerosis and was in a not-very-serious accident, but died anyhow. I wasn’t trying to plant the idea. I have simply come across a lot of death in the past few years. She seemed okay with the idea and related to it easily.

WTF? Is the coronavirus her ticket out? Is she incapable of looking down the road? She already doesn’t want to be Aunt Marge. I don’t blame her for that. She seems more concerned with her own entertainment than in making a positive difference in the world. She wants to be comfortable. She is unwilling to be inconvenienced to save her own life.

What do I do with this? How do I not get thrown into fits of grief?

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

2 responses to “Not Sure What to Think”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Is it all about attachments. Perhaps first your attachment to losing your mother…no one wants to be an orphan although it does happen to most of us….and then there’s your disbelief and acceptance that she’s not taking this “thing” seriously…you are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Then there’s the judgement…WTH is wrong with her…and finally the attachment that you want to be a beloved of your mother…you want to be worth it to stay alive. How am I doing?

  2. cdhoagpurple says :

    Sounds about right. Nailed it.

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