Some Semblance of Control

I feel like things are spinning out of control. But I suspect they have always been, since the beginning of time. What I am feeling is what denial is meant to protect you from.

The spinning flavor comes from work, where we are losing some key people. I wanted to do some cashiering. Be careful what you wish for. I will be morning cashier once the current one gives birth. It’s almost painful to watch her waddle, her center of gravity has so shifted. I’ll just do the best I can to be helpful.

This upcoming Wednesday I am going to get my cremation set up so that I can be anywhere, fall asleep, not wake up, and have everything taken care of. I never thought of this stuff when I was married. When you’re married, the other person can handle the arrangements. My other person is already interred at the cemetery. I’m all set with the cemetery. This is the final piece. Why am I doing this? In large part because I can. I have no control over much of anything else. Will you achieve your dreams? Visit the places you’ve always wanted to go? Meet the people you’ve always wanted to meet? Maybe, maybe not. But you will die.

I lost a hearing aid yesterday. I wanted to cry. The helplessness is right at the surface.

We all like to think we are in charge. It’s pure denial. The problem with denial is that it affects the individual alone. It’s like wearing your sleep mask and going to work. Only you don’t see what’s happening. No one else’s judgment is affected. To the person in denial, everything is a mystery. “Nobody really knows why……” Bullshit. Everyone else saw whatever it was coming. Only your judgment has been compromised. Everyone has been on both sides of this, has seen things coming when others haven’t, and has felt blindsided while everyone else knew what was happening. Want to know if you’re in denial about a situation? That’s easy. Ask yourself how mysterious the situation seems to you. If you feel like nobody could possibly know what’s going to happen next, you are in some major denial. Trust me. There are others that look at the exact same situation and make plans accordingly. It’s called being “proactive.” Denial is just being overwhelmed at the responsibility of the situation and refusing to deal with it.

Everyone wants some semblance of control. Some scrap of comfort.

Politically speaking, Republicans in Georgia are doing everything in their power to suppress the black vote. Republicans understand that if everyone votes, they are finished being in power. Because of the obviousness of their tactics Major League Baseball is moving the All-Star game out of Atlanta. Major corporations are supporting the move. Trump is suggesting a boycott of the MLB. Everyone is screaming, “Cancel culture!” I say, “Go for it.” Corporations have figured out that their workforces are diverse. Supporting diversity is part of remaining in business. Have you ever worked somewhere the employees were basically boycotting their own company? I have. Seriously. Companies have figured out that if their own employees won’t buy their products, they are done for. This is the reality of human resources. Let’s see who wins this cancel culture debate. It’s called “voting with your pocketbook.” In case no one has noticed, most major league sports are dominated by black athletes. This country has a long history of using blacks for entertainment purposes. Now there’s a price to pay. Are white baseball fans and gambling addicts going to suddenly stop supporting professional sports? I doubt it. But we’ll see.

Everyone wants some control. Do you know who wins these wars? People that are willing to make the sacrifices. The Montgomery bus boycott in the 1950s or 1960s forced the black population to rely on their own meager resources. They gave each other rides and hoofed it a lot. The bus company, on the other hand, was totally dependent on the black riders for their survival. It did not last long. Contrast that with the churchwoman wearing the Eeyore shirt protesting Disney at the local ABC affiliate. If you couldn’t tell, I have nothing but contempt for conservative Christians that scream, “Persecution!” every time they are so much as inconvenienced. Christians in other countries experience real persecution. Killed for worshipping or carrying a Bible. American Christians are worthy of contempt because they are willing to make no sacrifices for what they believe and think it is the government’s job to force the Christian religion onto everyone else. When the government says no, cries of persecution are heard throughout the land. The problem for them is that no one is listening anymore. If you want to make real change in the world, you have be willing to do without. Even while the world spins out of control.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “Some Semblance of Control”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    I agree…the problem for them is no one is listening anymore!

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