Starting to Feel Ready
Something is happening, but I’m not sure what. So many smaller things, all in one week.
I finally was able to do the funeral representative paperwork. It wasn’t that hard, but it required my best friend and I to actually have the same day off and the notary at the credit union. That’s a lot of variables that all had to come together at once. I did that on Wednesday, after I got my second Pfizer vaccination. Later that day, my arm hurt so bad I could hardly raise it. So I went to bed early and woke up late the next morning, feeling amazing. I took the next couple days off work, which I never do, but I had heard nasty things about the second shot and so gave work warning that I would take the following two days off. Feeling great and not working are a tough combination to pull off.
In other words, I’ve been not working the past couple days. Rest! Time and peace.
Also on Wednesday, my mom told me my dad had been diagnosed with heart failure. This is new. They are always tired when they get back from Florida, but this was more serious. More tests have to be run, but you get the idea.
Lately, I have been obsessed with beginnings and endings, like watching the first and last episodes of my favorite TV series.
I could be totally wrong, but it just feels like many things are wrapping up and/or that I am prepared for the next phase. I make no claims. I am becoming very familiar with grief. I don’t know what is happening, but it is hard not to feel the winds of change blowing on my face.