I have a friend that I have known since high school. She was a grade ahead of me and we became friends through a mutual friend. Our friendship has, at times, been off-and-on because of our marriages. When we would get back together, it was always weird because we seemed to be going through similar situations.
It happened again. I went off on my mother. Afterwards, I have felt wonderful, better than ever. It was very cleansing, handing that stinky, steaming pile of childhood issues back to my mother. I feel clean for possibly the first time. I will issue no apology ever for saying what has needed to be said for at least thirty years.
Then my friend went off on her husband and our mutual friend. The theme was the same: one-sidedness. You know, those relationships where you give and give and give and when you have the audacity to seriously expect something in return, how dare you. I am tired of emotionally taking care of my mother. My friend is tired of emotionally taking care of her husband and our friend. I do not blame her at all.
This morning we were texting. She said she and her husband were cleaning out the living room and I told her of the vision I have of her: She is standing in the middle of her immaculate cleared-out living room saying to herself, “Yep. I’m ready to go now.”
I do not believe that you can get rid of stuff without getting rid of the ideas and relationships that the stuff represents. She has been married for over thirty years. They have a natural and an adopted son. Their marriage has always been rocky. They have been getting rid of decades worth of stuff lately by having yard sales and that kind of thing. She commented on how freeing it is to get rid of stuff. Little does she know…
I see this is as a fresh start for her, not them.
For myself, I feel freer and clearer than I ever have. And I have a little bit of an urge to start clearing things out again. But the clearing out will be an effect, not a cause of emotional change. Energy moves, sometimes internally first and sometimes externally.
It’s just weird how we always seem to be dealing with similar issues simultaneously.