Processes

I have been thinking a lot about processes lately. Part of it comes from reading Cheri Huber. She talks about how one process does not necessarily (or usually ever) lead to another process. The process for being miserable is incompatible with the process for happiness. The gist is that beating oneself up will never make one happy. Okay. That sounds sensible.

But I am also looking at other processes. I have a friend that is not making the greatest choices. She has umpteen goals and doesn’t seem to be making much headway on any of them. I think some of her goals require her to leave Michigan entirely. But they are her goals. I simply know that humans cannot do everything all at once. I saw her yesterday. She is becoming more serious about achieving her goals. So she is scheduling everything. That is great because she will start to see that not all of her goals are compatible. It’s not that they can’t be achieved; it’s only that they will not be accomplished simultaneously.

The problem with processes is that they all take time and sometimes you cannot see any results for a long time. My friend gained weight during the pandemic and now needs to lose it. She can feel the weight on her knees and even her arches. This is the hard part. She has to have the discipline now and stop eating so much, while being okay without seeing any immediate weight loss. She didn’t gain it all at once and she won’t lose it all at once.

We all have to increase our awareness of what processes we are activating. Once you get the ball rolling, it can snowball very quickly, good or bad. Nobody says, “I really want to be an alcoholic and destroy my liver.” No. It’s about having fun and partying or avoiding one’s emotions. It may be a form of self-abuse. You feel fine–until you don’t. By then it may be too late.

At work, many people have been calling in sick. Perhaps they are sick. Maybe some of them are going on job interviews. One manager got quarantined most of last week and tested negative for the coronavirus. I am concerned about him because he smokes and this is barely the beginning of the cold and flu season. If he has to get tested and quarantined every time he coughs, he will not be around long. Smokers often wake up coughing. If he is in the process of being tested and quarantined, he is not in the process of working and running the store. His usefulness is compromised. The last store manager got fired, I’m pretty sure, and there is no reason he won’t be as well. This is a guy with real people skills, but that doesn’t matter if he is not actually at work. My feeling is that he really needs to take better care of his health, get a salutary process underway. Losing him would be bad.

Today I spent time with a friend. We drink coffee and then her boyfriend arrived. Then we all ate out and he paid. (I don’t make much money, so I don’t eat out a lot.) We went to Leo’s and the food was delicious, but not terribly healthy. They eat like this all the time and are both diabetic. I am not diabetic and don’t want to be. I cannot eat like that regularly, even though it would be fun to do so and he is volunteering to pay. I just had fabulous blood tests and want to keep them that way.

Everything requires vigilance, awareness of what processes you are engaging in. Perhaps you are completing some processes or trying to initiate some new ones. Maybe someday it won’t be so exhausting.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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