Perfectionism, Shame, and Self-love
I am trying to have compassion on myself “no matter what”, as Cheri Huber would say. Easier said than done.
From Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: “Perfectionism also provides a sense of meaning and direction for the powerless and unsupported child.” (p. 177) “Toxic shame is the emotional matrix of the abandon depression. It is also the glue that keeps us stuck helplessly in flashbacks.” (p. 175) This book is recommended by the Crappy Childhood Fairy, who shows you how to re-regulate your nervous system, for those of us that feel triggered by pretty much everything.
Yesterday, I lost an envelope with $200 in it. This is a human error. I am trying not to beat myself up for this. Simple mistake, right during holiday season. Trying not to hate myself.
Perfectionism and shame are nothing but our inner critic run amok, while trying to eke out some miniscule amount of control from our lives. To say they don’t succeed is beyond obvious. Like so many childhood coping mechanisms, they are toxic in adult lives and will destroy your emotional competence.