I think I am starting to recognize my intuitive (psychic, whatever label you want to adhere to it) voice.
These are just suspicions because I am not expert at seeing it yet. Intuition seems to be that desire or thought that is not directly logical from the current train of thought. I am expert at logic and reason. I easily know my logical, rational voice. A leads to B leads to C….Intuition is more like A, B, and then R. Where did that thought come from? Logic is like, “I want lasagna for dinner. Let’s see. I need noodles and sauce. And, oh yes, garlic bread.” Intuition is like, “I want lasagna for dinner. Monday morning, I need to find that phone number for my friend in Ludington.” Huh?
We all have those non-sequitur thoughts all the time. I suspect those are intuition, angels, dead relatives, psychic hits, whatever name you want to give them.
My first recognized intuitive thought occurred while driving on the west end of Lansing running errands and the thought occurs to me, “He (Barry) is never going to see her (his daughter Bailey) again.” The randomness and clarity literally stunned me.
What I want to get good at is recognizing intuitive instructions while I still have an ability to influence the outcome. My frustration with my first intuitive thought was that the feeling was so final and that there wasn’t a darn thing I could do to change it. I felt it as a fact, not an instruction.
I am still ridiculously left-brained. I am naturally logical. And it has proven very helpful in some situations. I do know what is going to happen many times in a given situation because I can see how people are acting and I know that A leads to B leads to C and I can see two years down the road to Z. No psychic ability necessary. A few minutes of rational thinking can take you a long way. Sometimes I marvel at politics and the stupidity of politicians. I am like, “Really? You seriously didn’t foresee that reaction?”
The reason I am so into recognizing and following my intuition is that I have gone as far as my rational, logical mind can take me. I’ve gotten the education. I wear my seat belt. I’ve gotten the long-term care insurance. I go the gym and have a decent diet. I sold the house. I have avoided drugs and alcohol because of the horrible examples my brothers have been. I feel like I have reached Z in the logical department.
But none of this is helpful at the moment. I need to know what to do next. Knowing what I don’t want is not the same as having a sense of direction or a clue as to what I do want. I don’t believe that having a shaky will to live is a hindrance to intuition, the same way that being upset doesn’t interfere with my internet connection. I believe the intuitive information is out there all the time. I just need to learn how to listen to it. That seems to require vigilance. I can be vigilant.
I’ve been waiting for change for years. I have taken as much responsibility as I humanly can. I’ve prayed endlessly and fervently.
Now I am seeing movement that cannot possibly be attributed to me.
Barry has not seen his grandsons since Christmas of 2014. Now it looks like it is going to happen. Tragic stuff had to happen to get things to this point. Bailey (his daughter) had to spiral out of control. She gave up her children to their dad, Jeff. The court has granted him permanent physical custody. He wants his kids to see their Grandpa Barry. And Bailey is moving to Las Vegas on February 17! All of this is new and none of it has anything to do with me.
Also, Barry’s cough has gotten much worse. It really sounds gross. I have asked him if he would take an antibiotic if the physician’s assistant (PA) suggested it and he said no. Even if the PA says he is fine, I now know better. What I am seeing is undeniable, at least to me. Everyone can tell me I’m crazy, but reality is validating my opinions.
I’ve been looking for signs of change for a few years and now I’m seeing them. My fledgling intuition is coming to pass. And here I am, trying to convince myself that I’m not just kidding myself, again. Wow. The rational mind and ego really don’t want me listening to anything else, even if it’s just a different part of me.
I am determined to become more intuitive. And it might be working. I think.
I am lying in bed last night, relaxing. I must have fallen asleep. Barry comes into bed. Wait. He opened the bedroom door, walked in, and shut the door, all without me noticing. He leans over me to kiss my arm and I feel this whoosh of his energy come over me. That has never happened before. His energy, coming all at once, made me a little sick. I wonder if turning off my other senses is what heightened the energy sense.
One issue I have run into is my feelings. How much should I pay attention to them versus ignore them? Do my emotions interfere or are they part of the message? I spent my youth and almost all my time as a Christian ignoring them because I was told they were untrustworthy. Of course, the people telling me this would claim that their feelings were reliable. Christians loved to tell me, “The Lord told me such-and-such.” How? “I just know know it. It’s a feeling.” Eventually, I realized the emotional manipulation of it all. I’m not saying feelings are always reliable indicators of what is going on, but I believe they are a valuable factor to take into account when evaluating a situation. Funny how the ministers and church leaders that wanted me to ignore my feelings were so remarkably lacking in ethics. Bottom line: they didn’t want me seeing and knowing what they were up to. Convincing people they are crazy is the tactic of all abusers. Leaving church has been one of the best things I have ever done. Now I can learn and grow.
Right now, I am waiting for validation of some of my intuitions. I will see how accurate some of them are in the next couple weeks. Then maybe I can tweak what I am doing to make them more accurate.
I just had a strange thought. I was looking at a preview of the minimalist book Everything
That Remains. As usual, I was contemplating my next Amazon order. That is my weakness. I already had three books in mind. This would be a fourth in the same order. Part of me balked. Then I thought, “I can order it when I get to the East Coast.”
Hit the brakes. Barry seems relatively okay. I have no indication that I am moving any time soon. This thought is a jolt.
I have only had similar thoughts a couple times before. I had one when I was sitting in the driveway of my house waiting for the realtor to show up. I had an out-of-place thought regarding “my” house. We hadn’t bidden on it yet. We hadn’t even been inside. There was no rationale for me thinking of it as “my” house. The only other time was when I was looking for another vehicle. My old car had been in an accident and I no longer trusted it. I was at Sundance, a local GM dealership, checking out vehicles. I got into my current car and knew it was “my” car. I had gotten into other vehicles and they all seemed like possibilities, but this was “my” car.
Some of the reason my brain is on the Atlantic coast is that I talked to my friend who left Michigan is looking for a job and will probably have one in the next few days, after negotiating with the employment agency and the employers that wish to hire her. I went to her house and removed the Christmas wreath. (This is the latter half of March. It was a little sad and hilarious all at once.)
I am not the most intuitive person, so this is a shock to my system. If I had these thoughts all the time, I would have some idea of just how reliable they are. However, this is only the third time ever and both of my other similar thoughts have been truly prescient. I can’t tell Barry about this thought, but I know better than to dismiss it.
I didn’t realize it until the past few days, but I now see that my becoming more Buddhist in my perspective is an attempt to access my right brain. I always knew that I was left-brain obsessive and that that was not helpful in any way, but I’m only putting the pieces together now.
I knew that I wanted to spend my time in school “digging deep” into myself. What exactly I expected to find, I have no idea. Business school has convinced me that the average worker is overwhelmed. School has taught me how to think in a business-like manner and speak management-ese, but so what?
What the business world needs is for employees to not be so overwhelmed and for management to function in a way that benefits everyone, not just stockholders or upper-level executives. This boils down to a couple key issues: simplification and ethics.
Everyone is inundated continually with information and demands for attention, so many that even responding to the majority of them is unrealistic. This is where intuition comes in. What should be responded to and what shouldn’t? Hierarchy demands that you respond to the big boss man first. Common sense demands that the customer’s demand take precedent because having no customers even puts the big boss man out of a job.
I am more convinced every day that everything is energy. The business implications are staggering. If a desk is messy, odds are good that its occupant is having trouble finding everything in a timely fashion, and the time spent looking for things is at company expense. With every object being imprinted with the energy of the user, even simple tasks can be overwhelming because one is surrounded with irrelevant and distracting energy. Simplification is for work ease and sanity. The 5S Japanese system of housekeeping is good business sense.
Of course, part of the reason lower-level employees are overwhelmed is because upper-level management does not have a sense of direction. The simplification and intuition development necessarily start at the top. When confronted with economic realities, HR issues, and competition, management is just as capable of being overwhelmed as anyone.
“Look at your own mind. The one who carries things thinks he’s got things, but the one who looks on only sees the heaviness. Throw away things, lose them, and find lightness….Remember you don’t meditate to “get” anything, but to get “rid” of things. We do it not with desire but with letting go. If you “want” anything, you won’t find it.” Ajahn Chah
I’ve been wondering if the reason I’ve been so annoyed with things, physical objects, in my space is because I am becoming more sensitive on some intuitive level. Perhaps I am only now noticing things that have always subliminally bothered me, but now I notice so much more.
For years, it seemed like my life was one drama or another. Something was always going on. I gradually developed distaste for unnecessary drama. I became convinced that life throws enough drama in a person’s life without seeking it out. To avoid drama, I started simplifying my life.
It worked. I had much less drama. I did not realize how addicted I was to distraction and stimulation of all kinds. Worse, now that I’m not in school for the first time in almost a decade, I am not getting the intellectual stimulation I’ve grown accustomed to. My left brain is getting bored stupid.
I’m not used to living in my right brain. “Living in my head” has always meant verbal and verbose obsession. I am determined to be more balanced in my approach to life. I believe we are leaving the Information Age and entering the Intuitive Age. We are constantly bombarded with information. How can we know what is meaningful or important? That’s where intuition comes in. That will be the subject of my next post.