Archive | September 2018

Validated, Vindicated, Verified

I am doing pretty well. I like my job at Goodwill. I am getting more hours than I even want, but I am adjusting.

This past week, the guy I had been working for told me he was basically closing up shop and doing a National Guard stint for six month in Maryland. He realized that the company he was working for and that he had me come “on board” as an independent contractor. I found another job when the head lady said in an email that “Cindy is wasting her time on our dime.”

Part of the issue is that I would talk to four different people and get four extremely different versions of reality. That means there is a lie somewhere or, at the very least, an uncorrected mis-assumption. Something was not kosher.

Then there was Jim, supposedly making $60k per year and having me run him $100 a week in payroll. It turned out that they had given him one check in two months. Something literally was not adding up.

I would have been extremely pissed at Jim if I had counted on him merging the companies so I would be a real w2 employee. I was not even slightly surprised.

I questioned my judgment. What if I was bowing out of the greatest opportunity of my life thus far? Was I panicking needlessly?

No. My judgment is sound. I saw things accurately. I covered my butt. My judgment has been validated, verified, and vindicated. It is funny how the people in my past who have called me “judgmental” have had the worst judgment ever. Having common sense is deeply offensive to people that want to take advantage of you or that want to live in fantasy worlds. I have no problem with people living in fantasy worlds. The problems in my relationships occur when they expect my unconditional affirmation of their delusion and then expect my permanent residence in their fantasy worlds. My attitude is simple: Good luck with that!

“Anything Intentional…”

I just listened to an Abraham/Hicks Youtube  video. What struck me was the quote, “Anything intentional affects anything that isn’t.”

That sounds obvious, right? But it’s right where I am at. I have been dealing with weird work issue for a couple months now. The bottom-line issue was that everyone in charge was waiting for someone else to  make the first move. Meanwhile, my status was in terminal limbo and I was getting screwed over. The solution? I found another job. Period. I took the initiative out of all their hands altogether. Now they can all react to me. It is that simple. I had to take care of myself and that meant taking responsibility for myself. I took my own needs seriously once I realized that they simply did not care.

The video talked about The Secret and structured water and other semi-esoteric things. But “esoteric” means “secret” and the whole point of The Secret is just how open and obvious some of these things really are. Just how secret is the idea that intentions have an impact on our life? What is new knowledge is that intentions affect everything, including water, which makes up most of our body and planet.

Part of my point is that the paranormal is just another level of ordinary reality that we don’t realize we are affecting or being affected by. Structured water feels different. We walk into a building and can feel the different energies of the rooms and not understand why we feel the way we do in one room versus another.

A major theme of my life has been learning to not be any longer a “good little victim.” My personality drives my routines, kind of like Sheldon. I am very structured in general and do things consistently until something in the routine no longer works for me. If I do something once and it works, I have a habit. Perhaps this is the definition of an “addictive personality.” I don’t know. But I generally have to be shown beyond the shadow of a doubt that something no longer works before I stop doing it. In other words, I tend to stay too long in things that no longer work. This includes churches, jobs, friendships, you name it.

I would like to be more sensitive to those energies and to be more intentional in every area of my life. If I don’t, my sanity may suffer. And my financial well-being to boot.

Am I coming through to the other side?

I found another job!

I was feeling particularly depressed on my birthday last week and I went to a hiring fair at my local Goodwill due to the flyer I saw at Michigan Works. I was hired on the spot. No kidding. I got the impression that the interviewer was a little disappointed that I only applied for the part-time position. Orientation is tomorrow morning. The job should be between 24 and 32 hours per week. I was so depressed in the morning but elated in the afternoon,

I say “another” job because I haven’t quit my other ones. I can still help Jim with his receipts and things because that only takes six or seven hours a week and I can do his stuff at home.

My other job is with the Hubers, Dale and Sara. I just emailed my time sheets yesterday and had a grand total of 7.5 hours over a two-week period. Not a joke. Less than five hours per week. I let Sara know that I might still be able to help with the maintenance department transition, but I can no longer guarantee that I will be in the office at certain hours (which is normal for independent contractors, anyhow).

Part of me is concerned they might “fire” me, but another part thinks the concept is quite funny. How meaningful would it be to terminate someone who is still willing to help but isn’t getting any hours anyhow? A month or so ago, Sara said in email to someone else (with an account I have access to) that “Cindy is just wasting her time on our dime.” Zero respect for my efforts to be helpful, efficient, and reliable. Well, I guess that’s not an issue anymore.

Anyhow, I feel like I am coming out of my cocoon to some degree. I no longer feel like I am in some interminable in-between state. I am starting my life now.

I don’t know what I will be doing in my new job, but here’s the kicker–part of me just doesn’t care! I’ll do whatever I can and get more hours to boot.