More Focused Now

Since I helped Barry reunite with his grandsons, I can spend more time and energy dealing with insurance-related stupidity.

It turns out that Barry’s primary care doctor’s office is the hold-up. I am stunned. They were pretending to be oh-so-helpful, acting like they were on my side. I had to hound them to find out that the reason they had not submitted the forms to the insurer was that Barry needed another appointment. They couldn’t tell me that three weeks ago? I had to hound them to even find that much out. They keep throwing obstacles in my path. As soon as they submit the forms (and I will hound them every day until they do as soon as the appointment is over), I am looking for another doctor for Barry. Period. If they fart around again, they will receive a letter from my lawyer. I am done with them.

Their actions are so hurtful. To me, to pretend to throw a drowning man a lifeline is horrific. It’s neither appropriate nor forgivable. It’s like Barry’s family all over again. “If you need anything, just call.” Pretending to be helpful is a hundred times worse than just saying, “I don’t have time to help you.” I thought I had someone caring actually coming alongside of me and helping to carry the burden. Wrong. They are adding to the burden.

This is all part of my effort to get my needs met. Frankly, that is all that matters now. I am deliberately focusing on doing things that will make the next phase of my better or at least do-able. I was burned out two years ago. To go years without getting your needs met is scary. Part of me does not care about Barry anymore. If my needs don’t matter, guess what? Neither do yours. Empathy is not possible for someone running on empty for the past few years. It is going to take me years to recover from this time in my life. If I live that long.

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About cdhoagpurple

I have an MBA, am married to a GM/UAW retiree with Huntington's Disease. I am more Buddhist than Christian. I plan on moving to Virginia when widowed. I have a friend''s parents that live down there and another friend living in Maryland. I am simplifying my life in preparation for the eventual move.Eight years ago, my husband had stage 4 cancer. I am truly "neither here nor there." My identity shifts and I am always surprised where I end up. 2015 was my hardest year ever. This is my Dark Night of the Soul. Welcome to it.

One response to “More Focused Now”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Try to remember you are better today than last year at this time. Yes….the doctors inability to really help is horrendous!

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