Not in Charge and Not a Clue

My life is getting better, I think, but I am not in control.

I have a friend I would love to help, but there is just no way. Her life is crazy busy. She is married and her husband is planning to retire from the military in a couple of years. She is going to school full-time. She needs to evict her sister from her mother’s house. She is still struggling with a traumatic brain injury (chronic headaches). And I believe she is struggling with some serious empathic distress.

She is one of those people that knows who is calling when the phone rings (pre-caller-ID). She seems to be attracting people with pressing problems. I believe she is an empath with no control over her abilities.

So what do I do? I tell her about two books: “Dodging Energy Vampires” by Christaine Northrup and “The Empath Survival Guide” by Judith Orloff. Then I order them for her from Amazon. I got an email from them couple of days ago saying that they had a delivery failure. My friend and her husband have a house in Eaton Rapids (where I sent the books) and an apartment in Mount Pleasant (where he works and she goes to school at CMU). I can’t even ensure the books get to her. I can’t help. I can just wish her well, I guess.

I like my job at Goodwill, but my feet don’t like working four days in a row. Usually I don’t have to, but when I do, it’s hard. I am not in charge of the schedule. They like me and want me at certain times. I am negotiating with a manager that does the scheduling.  They like me working four days a week, but do they all need to be in a row? I actually have a job I like and don’t want to come off as whiny, especially to a manager that just worked for two weeks straight due to their being three managers short (they just hired one last week). (Tiny violin playing for my pity party.)

I got rid of some furniture. VOA came and took it last week. Now I have actual space to put a couch in. I assumed I wanted a futon for extra person sleeping purposes. But my brain was not coming up with anything. I assumed for years that when Barry passed, I would have years and years of pent-up desires waiting to be indulged. Nope. I have never gotten furniture just for myself. I have no idea what I want for the most part. Not a clue.

A different friend emailed me a link to a site that sells couches that fold out to beds. I might get one. What a super-cool idea. But now we are talking about mail order furniture. I have never done that. Will I have to take time off from work? If I am not home, will the apartment office take it? Surely this is not a unique situation for them.

I don’t know what I am doing, but what else is new?

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

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