Out the Other Side

I feel so much better now.

Warning: Do not get the flu shot and a shingles shot all at once. I did it last week and felt like crap the next day and just plain wiped out the next couple days. Friday night I took a shot of NyQuil because I felt so achy and just wanted to sleep. When I do that, I get so much sleep sometimes that I have a hard time sleeping Saturday night. Not last night. I went to bed early and woke up close to my normal time. I feel fabulous. Wow. It has been a long time since I have felt this good physically and emotionally.

Whenever I feel stuck, I ask myself what I am holding onto that is not moving. Zen has a saying; “Let go or be dragged.” The basic concept is that everything is moving and you need to be careful what moving object you hitch your wagon to. Sometimes, stillness is essential, but that means you need to let go of everything.

What have I been holding onto? My parents. They are now in Florida, a state with more coronavirus cases than New York. I just lost my husband a couple years ago. I don’t want this much loss. Who does? But they are adults and if they want to play shuffleboard more than they want to preserve their lives, that is not my call to make. I feel like I let them go this weekend. This is not an intellectual process. It is emotional and spiritual. In other words, I am not in charge of the timing. But I suddenly feel freer.

There is precious little I am in control of, but I can take care of myself. I can rest. I can drink lots of water and take vitamins.

All we can do is take care of ourselves. It’s like the emergency instructions you’re given on the plane: Put your own mask on first.

About cdhoagpurple

I live in Michigan. I was Greek Orthodox (and previously Protestant), but now am more Buddhist than anything. I am single now (through the till-death-do-you-part clause of the marriage contract). My husband Barry was a good man and celebrated 30 years in AA. I am overly educated, with an MBA. My life felt terminally in-limbo while caring for a sick husband, but I am free now. I see all things as being in transition. Impermanence is the ultimate fact of life. Nothing remains the same, good or bad.

One response to “Out the Other Side”

  1. Ninasusan says :

    Yes! Releasing attachments to persons places and things one by one is ver freeing!

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