Something happened last night. I went to a different location for the blessing, the house of a woman visiting her daughter in California. The house had a peace I haven’t felt since I-don’t-know-when. Frankly, it radiated a warmth, love, and acceptance I have never felt in any church anywhere. While there, I thought, “Wow. There is so much healing and loving we can do before death.”
I still need help in cleaning my house, but I have found my inspiration. I have been looking inspiration for some time now. I hadn’t even known what I’d been looking for. That peace is available. With Barry’s sponsor’s death and the drama going on all around me, I have been just coping for a while. I had forgotten that peace existed. I doubt that I’ll ever be willing to live without it again. It’s one of those things that, once you get a taste, you can never pretend you never tasted. It was like going home emotionally and spiritually. No matter how bad things get, I know that this state is accessible. It can never not be there. It never went anywhere. I just got lost.